How to Use EFT to Improve Any Relationship
Let's face it, no relationship is perfect. Even the happiest, most harmonious relationships have their weak spots, and sometimes hit bumps in the road.
That's why I created this simple exercise that you can use to improve any relationship in your life, whether it's with a partner, friend, family member, or colleague, and regardless of how good or not-so-good your relationship with that person may be.
While all relationships are a two-way street, even if you're the only one in the relationship doing this tapping exercise, the relationship will improve because healing your own resentments, fears, and hurt feelings about the other person will shift the entire relationship dynamic.
As you heal, you'll effortlessly begin to see the other person, yourself, and the relationship in a whole new light.This fresh perspective will, in turn, affect how you show up in the relationship, and that alone has the power to transform it.
Write It Down, Tap It Out
1) Make a list of at least 10 things that you think, feel, and/or believe about this person and your interactions with him/her.
For example:
I hate it when he/she interrupts me.
He/she doesn't spend enough time with me, and that makes me feel rejected.
I worry that he/she is not as attracted to me because I'm getting older.
He/she is so close-minded. He/she is so tense all the time, and it makes me feel tense, too.
I want him/her to be more affectionate, but I know that will never happen.
It hurts my feelings when he/she ________________ [fill in the blank].
I resent him/her because ________________ [fill in the blank].
He/she shouldn't be so ______________ [fill in the blank].
He/she should be more _________________ [fill in the blank].
I'm angry at him/her because _____________ [fill in the blank].
2) Give each item on the list a number between 0 and 10, which represents how much of an emotional charge you feel when you read the item.
3) Now you have a custom-made tapping script, complete with an intensity level for each statement. Nicely done!
4) Select one statement from what you've written. You can pick the one that feels the most intense for you, or pick whichever one you feel the most drawn to.
5) Set a timer for 5 minutes.
6) Tap on the statement, as is, without changing it, until the timer goes off.
7) Now re-assess the number. It will probably be lower, but if it's higher, that's okay. Sometimes feelings intensify as things heal.
8) If the number is still a 5 or higher, set your timer for another 5 minutes, and tap on the statement again until the timer goes off.
9) Repeat this process until the emotional intensity is a 4 or below.Why a 4? Because in my 16+ years as an EFT practitioner, I've observed countless times that once an issue (or aspect of an issue) is tapped down to a 4, it feels MUCH better than before.
As a 4, it's still 40% unhealed, but 4 does seem to be a critical tipping point for every person, every issue, and every aspect of every issue.
Though for complete healing of an issue, it is important to tap things all the way to zero, you will get significant relief and transformation (of emotions, attitudes, beliefs, fears, etc.) by tapping things down to a 4.
You can save the rest of the tapping statements you've written for another time, or you can repeat this process using another one.
In addition to using this exercise for improving your current relationships, you can also use this exercise for past relationships (even with people who have passed away), because by healing old emotional wounds, resentments, relational fears, and the like, you will also improve your current relationships.
Why? Because unhealed emotional wounds from the past affect the way we see and interact with the people who are currently in our lives.
They can create fears, limiting beliefs, resentments, and unhealthy patterns of relating which are detrimental to our present day relationships.
When we heal those old emotional wounds, the resulting fears, limiting beliefs, resentments, and unhealthy patterns drop away, enabling us to relate to others in ways which are wiser, kinder, and healthier.
So if there's a relationship in your life which is stressing you out or causing you to suffer, whether it's a personal relationship or a professional one, I encourage you to use EFT to release those painful feelings.
You'll feel a lot better, and the relationship will improve.
Please Note
When doing EFT on your own, if you aren't able to completely heal the issue you're working on, so that when you think about it, it no longer causes any stress, emotional pain, anger, or fear, I recommend working with a professional EFT practitioner. If you decide that this is the best course of action for you, and you'd like to work with me, click here to schedule an EFT session or free consultation.
By Heather Ambler
Heather Ambler is a California based EFT practitioner and mindset coach. Through her private practice and online programs, she’s helped many thousands of people all over the world heal the pain of losing a loved one, recover from trauma, release fears, erase limiting beliefs, increase confidence, and achieve goals. If you could use some help with any of these things, click here to learn more and schedule an EFT session or free consultation.
